We need duct tape

Mamasan,

I am writing to inform you about your stupidity, your brash cruelty and your senselessness in the treatment of your only daughter.

Firstly, it has been brought to my attention (and many others' too) that you have a particular habit of excessively criticising and putting her down. Your daughter is not butt ugly; in fact, she is a model who has lots of assignments pending. She has better than average skin, and her nose, not least her chest, is not as flat as you claim it to be. She has been a high achiever, so I would appreciate it if you would stop comparing her to her incompetent godsister who is well endowed with bitchiness and airheadedness. Your daughter, I am pleased to note, has both absolute and comparative advantage in both beauty, intellect and character.

Secondly, your daughter is not a commodity to be traded off on the marriage market. She has already chosen to be with Mr. K. Please respect her decision and stop being ashamed of her choice. Please do not mention wealthy young men who are due to lay hands on a huge inheritance, to her. Your daughter loves for love, not for money, cash, diamonds or other crap that rich men can offer. They cannot gratify your daughter. She has huge capacities for non-losers. Since you have shown an interest in these men, you are welcome to divorce your daughter's father and be a rich man's old momma anytime.

Thirdly, please allow her to take control over her own life. You have already interfered to the maximum possible extent and she does not require further intervention. She has expressed a keen interest in psychology and philosophy, and has dreams of teaching, modelling and acting. She has shown competence in these aspects, so do not expect her to major in accounting, law, or computer science. In the first place, she is currently an arts student. If you so desire to major in those, maybe you could enter university and dispose of your Bachelor of Science, Fisheries. I also wish to inform you that your major is gradually becoming obsolete- your educational attainment is as good as none.

Therefore, I would like to seek your kind co-operation in trying to change for the better. Otherwise, I will be compelled to take action against you. You will not like it.

Fuck off.

Mine most truthfully,
your daughter.