Princess for a day, slave forever to my mind's games

He went off to sleep. Again.
At a time when I most needed him, he chose sleep.
I'm tired today too. I want to escape into vacuum. I need to wash my hands off all these, coupled with lots of sterilising solution and Dettol antibacterial soap.
Someone please poke me with a giant pin.
Or better yet, shoot me. Not with your camera phone, you imbecile.
2 cm was all I missed. That's all.
Yeah right, just re-do it. And all will be fine
NO.
It's not it. I gave my best today. Apparently it wasn't enough.
2 O's. 2 C's. What's the big deal bout it?
I can't eat straight As anyway.
Freaking band 3 for PW. Alas! What should I say? Great job?
To think I slogged and worried about it. 1 year's a lot. so is 168 bucks.
Think I'll go for my other calling. Books don't like me anymore.
If I can't depend on my brain for a living, I'll resort to the flesh.
No, not a stewed prune.
I'm gonna try out for the bank ad. My Econs tutor will at least be proud of me. Hey, banks play an important role in the economy's money supply, and I'm going to promote them.
If I can't score in the theoretical part of Economics, I'll take the proactive approach.
Delude people that people who deposit their money with them emerge as happy as me.
Do they know about the reserve ratio thing? i.e. 90% of YOUR money is loaned out.only 10% is left within the banks' precious vaults


Still waiting to be shot.
Still waiting for him.
Still dead and numb.
Still, I do care.
Still, I don't want to be blamed.

Was princess for a day, tiara upon my throbbing head, gowns cascading to my toes, threatening to trip me over, blinding diamonds on my wrists, presents galore, a night of magic, a rose born of fire, dances, candles, cakes, wishes, tears, fame, a pin prick, a ring of blood, a Parisian corsette dress of black and midnight blue, then, nullity.
And now, a slave to my own confusion.
Tests, scores, assignments, liquidity preference theories, meandering channels, gentrification, probability, monetarists, Keynesian theories, horse latitudes, equinoxes, solstices, integration.
I'm tired of them all. I don't know why I do what I do. Just doing things for superficiality's sake, with no thought of tomorrow.
Go away. Before scars appear on my wrists again, before I press the rusty blade to my veins, before I relive the nightmare of a desperate 15-year-old, driven to exasperation. Go, before I return to that moment. Wake me up. Wake me before I go deeper into this wasted state.

And no, I'm not joking. Just no loud alarm clocks please.