I am the orange girl

So. Now you have looked me full in the face. Yet I don't dare to.

I am ugly. To the woman I call "mother", I am incredulously ugly. How would you feel if the one who is supposed to see you as beautiful sees otherwise? Every blemish I have is magnified ten times over, but the deep gash it makes upon my heart is much more, much more than I can bear.

But why me, Mother? (I can't bring myself to call you 'mummy') I grew darker in the sun, you were extremely displeased and said I was dark and hideous. I had 3 small pimples on my chin, you took the chance to bring me under fire. I had been sick for a week, having the worse flu, yet you didn't bother to have me see the doctor. I coughed on, but you couldn't care less. As long as my face was blemish-free, you couldn't care if I died right there, do you?

I have T-minor. will that give you enough reason to disown me too? You pushed me to my limit, but you knew when to do it. A child has no sensitivity towards unspoken limits, but now I know. All those beatings and scoldings when I refused to play the piano in front of your guests, the absence of encouragement when I emerged 4th in my nursery class, the hypocrisy spewing out when I got my straight As for my major exams.

Go ahead. Take, drain, exhaust, rob, deprive. I don't care what you do.

I just want to be a snug little kitten, cuddling comfort in my arms, dreaming sweet little dreams of yesterday. And hopefully of tomorrow if I live to see it.

Cages

Still lying in the midnight shadow
While the dark-winged butterfly tears its
Wings
To be regenerated and
Thrown
Into some Fire
Of sulphurous hell

Still sitting under the bright shade
Casting no shadow
Glances turn me into cinders
The ash flies
Becoming smaller, then no more
No more.

I smell the scent of grass
Of freedom beyond
I reach, and catch
A breath of air
Only a vapour

Then the sweetness of
Nothingness
Nullity
Wraps me in its finite twine

How I thirst the breaking
Of the bars
Of my bone, flesh, veins

The cage opens
Creaking ever so slowly

But I breathe no longer.