invisible writings

Ok, I tried to revamp but I do realise probably nothing's gonna get published. Oh gosh, tearing while I'm typing. But it's just because my heart is breaking from wanting and wishing for too long, too much.

I am fighting my battle- only the initial stage and there's a very high chance I might win. But still, they say, don't pin your hopes on too high. In case I don't make it, I don't wanna go writhing in pain. It does sound vain, but I wanna die beautiful, for the living to remember me by.

It's hard, living as a burden but also knowing that one stays as a burden on the heart, in memories even when one is dead. Meant to fade into oblivion? Or carved into scars that heal once time slips by? Am I about to join him? Why are our fates so connivingly twisted into a similar pattern? Is this some kind of game?